For
many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had
gone home to die. I was with
them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives. People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as
expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually
acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed
though, every one of them.
When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do
differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most
common five:
I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me : This was the most common regret of all. Most people have had not honored even
a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to
choices they had made.
From the moment you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings
a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.
I wish I didn’t work so hard : This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. All
of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on
the treadmill of a work existence. By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the
way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by
creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to
new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings : Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with
others. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and
resentment they carried as a result. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people
may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking
honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and
healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship
from your life. Either way, you win.
I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends : Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden
friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about
not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone
misses their friends when they are dying. Usually they are too ill and weary
to ever manage the task of financial planning and finally It all comes down to love and relationships.
I wish that I had let myself be happier : This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and
to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed
to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way
from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long
before you are dying.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
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